Cocktailians

Terrible, Terrible (Hopefully Fictional) Drinks

My favorite super-secret Internet cult site recently had a thread in which users posted their recipes for horrific-sounding drinks. (Reminiscent of Defective Yeti's marvelous post on "Unpopular Mixed Drinks" a little while ago.) A selection follows:

Ginbeerbon

• One shot of gin and one shot of bourbon in a pint glass with an open bottle of beer inverted into it.

Robitini

• Robitussin DM, gin

Sweet Clam of the Damned

• Clamato  + absinthe + Crème de menthe + dash of pineapple juice, served with a razor for taking the easy way out.

Sleepy Cow

• Equal parts NyQuil and heavy cream served in an old-fashioned glass with a stick of string cheese for a stirrer.

The Brownout

• Shake 2 oz. agave tequila and 8 oz. Yoo-Hoo with ice, add a half jigger of soy sauce, and a half jigger of vanilla extract. Serve in a bread bowl garnished with a shower shoe.

Drinky Linky: Bloomsday (+1) Edition

Go Latino!, originally uploaded by Globe Trodden.

I know it's really a day when you should be drinking a "good glass of Burgundy" at Davy Byrne's, (What do you mean? It's June 17th. --Ed. (Yeah, but I started writing this post yesterday.) Hmmmph. --Ed.) but here's a roundup of things mixological that I've found interesting lately:

• I loved the above photo, taken by ace "Ask The Pilot" columnist Patrick Smith at the bar of the Novotel in Accra, Ghana. As he puts it, "Apparently, if you are a West African, your idea of 'Latino' is a crazy old woman smoking a gigantic cigar." And if you're curious, ten Ghanaian cedi is worth approximately US$7.38 at today's cash rate;
• Who are the best cocktailian bartenders? Cocktail Kingdom wants you to vote;
• I think I'll give the Rectum Bar a (pun all-too-sadly-intended) pass;
• What's in a name? The Times' Frank Bruni examines odd cocktail names. (I sympathize, as I am absolutely terrible at naming original drinks);
• I need to pick up a copy of Daniel Okrent's new book about the rise and fall of Prohibition. (I talked to him in December 2008 about Repeal Day in New York.) In an excerpt run in New York magazine, Okrent suggests that Prohibition gave birth to modern New York nightlife;
• Along with the Okrent excerpt, New York also published an interesting map of Prohibition-era watering holes;
• Slate, in a review of Okrent's book, limns why Prohibition didn't work;
• Creative -- possibly too creative: burning rosemary to "release its essential oils"? -- cocktails hit Miami;
• A Manhattan nightclub is selling a "sensual, exotic, mythological" cocktail that costs $160 and includes Louis XIII Cognac (at $1,600/bottle) and Iranian saffron oil (at $300/gram.) Seems purely like trendwhore bait, though, as the drink -- comprised of homemade absinthe that's flamed, two drops of the saffron oil, a handcarved cube of ice "made by a world-famous ice sculptor", and the Cognac -- certainly sounds like a waste of good brandy. (Besides, if I'm ever in the position of being able to go for a truly pricy cocktail, I'll go to Paris and get a Ritz Sidecar made with pre-phylloxera 1865 Cognac);
• While we're talking about setting absinthe and rosemary on fire, perhaps these bartenders should be careful. Apotheke owner Albert Trummer was arrested Sunday by fire marshals for pouring liquors along the bar and igniting them, which created a huge fireball. (Again with the waste of good booze.)
• Did you know that people of class drink alcohol? Or at least ones with higher vocabularies?
• Robert Simonson takes note of Rye bartender Sother Teague's "90-Day Sour", a take on the aged-cocktail boom started by Jeffrey Morgenthaler (and sampled by yours truly.) Sounds great. (I should note that I went to Rye for the first time a couple of weeks ago for a very nice brunch, and got the best Ramos Gin Fizz of my life from Teague. He also makes his own bitters and has put together a very good-sounding cocktail menu);
• Pete Wells of the NYT lists his twenty-five favorite bars -- haute, divey, and everything in between;
• This approach to a cucumber gimlet -- with cucumber puree! -- looked interesting (thanks to Kosmonaut for bringing it to my attention);
• White dog is getting trendy;
• Dave Arnold and Nils Norén of Cooking Issues (interviewed also here) made their high-tech gin & tonic for Jimmy Fallon recently;
• Clover Club will be opening for lunch, and owner Julie Reiner is opening an Hawaiian-themed bar as well;
• New York magazine had an interesting feature a while back called "The Booze Chain", in which they asked a bartender their favorite current drink, then asked the creator of that drink what their favorite is, and so on;
• Gran Classico Bitter sounds like it might be an interesting ingredient. I want to do more cocktails with amari and other digestive bitters;
• Who's the best bartender in New York City? Frank Bruni (along with Dale DeGroff and Jim Meehan) nominates Doug Quinn at P.J. Clarke's. Quinn answered reader questions here, here, and here.
• Wow: "Continuing its spirited marketing embrace of the fashion industry, Belvedere Vodka has enlisted Matthew Williamson to create a limited edition kaftan inspired by the launch of its new pink grapefruit flavor." The $1,450 "vibrant pink print" garment is on sale now. I guess if you can't sell the flavor, you can at least try to sell the image;
• Guess who else is hawking vodka? Spike Lee, for one, whose "Absolut Brooklyn" is flavored with red apple and ginger. (Really? Brooklyn's redolent of many, many things, but I doubt I'd go there.) And, as Miss Heather points out, Absolut apparently successfully bribed bloggers for coverage of an event with bottles of vodka and Flip video cameras. (NYT story here.) For the record, I'd like to state that while Cocktailians does accept freebies (invitations to events, products for sample and review, and the odd bit of inexpensive promotional swag), they don't sway our coverage, and we will absolutely disclose these gifts when writing about the givers. It's only fair to the reader, and it's the law. (The bloggers who took the vodka and the video cameras to write about Absolut without that disclosure should Absolut-ly know better.) While we really need to put together a proper About page (Married With Dinner's is particularly good), this is not a new policy for us at Cocktailians.

PDX (The "D" evidently stands for "drinking") Part 4: Teardrop Lounge & Thatch

After our wonderful dinner and drinks at Beaker & Flask, we headed back to downtown Portland, where I dropped off my (very understanding) girlfriend at Powell's Books while I headed around the corner to the Teardrop Lounge. This cocktailian temple is sleek and highly-designed, with a circular bar with a teardrop-shaped island (and suspended shelf above it, which seemed to function as something of an additional speed rail.) The place was pretty quiet when I was there, and the menu (I can't link to it here because of silly Flash design, but click to that main site, then "menus", then "cocktails") was fascinating. Rarely do I see a menu where I immediately want to try more than half of the drinks, and this one was full of really creative, interesting-sounding libations.

I chose the "Impossible Dream", which apparently was the brain child of one David Shenaut and consists of Small's gin, Brew Dr. white rose kombucha, lime, the Rothman & Winter apricot liqueur, and gomme syrup. I couldn't picture it, and was especially curious about the presence of kombucha in the mix. Its fermented astringency worked really well well with the creamy-sweet liqueur, and the herbal gin brought it all together. Small's Gin is local to Portland, and is produced by Ransom, who also produced the Gewurztraminer grappa that David Shenaut had me taste at Beaker & Flask and which I enjoyed so much. (They also make a great and unusual Old Tom gim.) Small's is heavy on the cardamom in addition to the usual juniper and other botanicals. The Brew Dr. kombucha is also local to Portland.

After just the one drink -- I really wanted to stay longer, but my time was running short -- I was happy to get a Twitter message from Blair Reynolds (aka Trader Tiki) letting me know he was behind the stick at Thatch in Northeast Portland. So off I zoomed to check it out. Thatch has an unassuming exterior set in a commercial strip, but feels like a tiki paradise once you're in; you cross a small footbridge over a rock-lined pool to get to the bar, which is liberally festooned with tiki decor and its namesake thatch. It was fun to meet Blair, whose enthusiasm and depth of knowledge fairly bubble out of him. At his suggestion -- since I'll be the first to admit that I don't know much about the Tiki kingdom -- he fixed me a Three Dots and a Dash, which was fantastically good: a little sweet, a a little tangy, a little spicy, and a little bit funky too.

After shooting the breeze for a while, I decided to head back to Powell's to collect my girlfriend from the briar patch, since we had to fly home the next day. I said my goodbyes to Portland -- I greatly enjoyed my all-too-brief visit to this very livable city that boasts some excellent drinking opportunities. Can't wait to come back soon.

(Thanks to all who made me great drinks and pointed me in the right directions, especially David Shenaut, Blair Reynolds, Lindsey Johnson, Jeffrey Morgenthaler, and Ricky & Brian at Teardrop.)

PDX (The "D" evidently stands for "drinking") Part 3: Beaker & Flask

After visiting Clear Creek Distillery, it was definitely time for an early dinner. We picked out Beaker & Flask from my Frommer's Portland guidebook, as it sounded like the food was good and the cocktail program was as well; after all, the name of the restaurant was certainly an encouraging sign. After a small bit of difficulty in finding the place (the guidebook has the address wrong, listing the side of the building around the corner from the restaurant entrance), we rolled up just before five. The hostess was kind enough to let us in before they'd technically opened (I'd say it's certainly in line with the ethos of hospitality to let one's prospective customers use the bathroom) and seated us right away. We were the first people in the joint, but it got busier pretty quickly. They even had stacks of interesting cocktail books scattered among the tables!

The menu looked great and creative -- for both food and cocktails -- and we were glad to see a happy-hour cocktail list of four drinks that were $5 from 5p-6p and $7 afterwards (the rest of the cocktails were $8; I could get used to Portland cocktail prices after New York's). Even the selection of non-alcoholic drinks was pleasantly eclectic, with Blenheim Ginger Ale, Orange Crush, San Pellegrino, Sparky's Root Beer, and more. One offering that caught my eye was Faygo Rock & Rye, which apparently doesn't taste like actual rock and rye made with rock candy, rye whiskey, and fruit (it supposedly tastes more like a cherry cream soda, and has the advantage of being 100% more juggalo-approved than the rye-whiskey version.)

So, for our first course of drinks I had to go for the happy-hour Between The Posts, consisting of Campari, fresh grapefruit juice, the Faygo Rock & Rye, and Peychaud's bitters. (My girlfriend had an excellent Dublin Dr. Pepper, poured from its glass bottle.) I was wondering if the drink would be too sweet (if my fuzzy memories of the stuff are correct, Faygo's sweet enough to dissolve a bulldozer), but it was wonderful and a great aperitif -- the citrus notes from the Campari and grapefruit (what a great combination), the bitter playing nicely with the sweet. I haven't mixed much with commercial sodas, apart from the odd Cuba Libre, and I really should start experimenting with this.

Our meal was great, too -- we split the butter lettuce salad with a buttermilk-and-tarragon vinaigrette, and I had a pan-seared trout with spring veggies, smoked mussels, and sauce Gribiche. My entree was good, but my girlfriend's was great: a fork-tender grilled pork tenderloin with English pea arancini, pea greens, and pistou. With our entrees, I chose a Stuck in Lodi (rye, Gewurztraminer syrup, Cynar and Peychaud's bitters) for my second cocktail. I was curious about all the various flavors in this one, and there were a lot of moving parts -- possibly too many. The drink was definitely rich and complex, but I kept wanting to take smaller and smaller sips because it was a bit of a sensory assault. 

I overheard some folks at the bar drop a familiar name, and sure enough, David Shenaut was working behind the stick. I sent over my good wishes, and he dropped by to say hello and welcome us. (Thanks to Lindsey from Live the Lush Life and Brown, Bitter & Stirred for introducing us a few days earlier on Twitter -- but I didn't realize I'd be bumping into him here. Always fun to unexpectedly meet up with new friends.)

Dessert was a very nice panna cotta with warm fluffy beignets and a fresh huckleberry sauce, tamped down nicely down by a very, very good Ransom Gewurztraminer grappa, which was fruity and smooooooth and all-around wonderful. (As much as I liked Clear Creek's Gewurz grappa, I liked this one even more.) We left the restaurant pleasantly sated, and then the big conundrum presented itself: off to Powell's Books for more browsing, or search out a couple of the other cocktailian boites that had been recommended to me? (Guess you'll just have to tune in to the next installment to find out.)