My favorite super-secret Internet cult site recently had a thread in which users posted their recipes for horrific-sounding drinks. (Reminiscent of Defective Yeti's marvelous post on "Unpopular Mixed Drinks" a little while ago.) A selection follows:
- One shot of gin and one shot of bourbon in a pint glass with an open bottle of beer inverted into it.
- Robitussin DM, gin
Sweet Clam of the Damned
- Clamato + absinthe + Crème de menthe + dash of pineapple juice, served with a razor for taking the easy way out.
- Equal parts NyQuil and heavy cream served in an old-fashioned glass with a stick of string cheese for a stirrer.
- Shake 2 oz. agave tequila and 8 oz. Yoo-Hoo with ice, add a half jigger of soy sauce, and a half jigger of vanilla extract. Serve in a bread bowl garnished with a shower shoe.
- melted stick of butter + tobacco chaw juice + 2 day old whiskey. served in a sheep
Kids at the Pool
- Snickers bar in a glass of gin, microwaved on High for 2 minutes
- In a blender combine 3 parts pure grain alcohol with the seeds of six hot peppers. Strain into a highball filled with crushed dry ice and hearing aid batteries.
- Place a steamed clam in the bottom of a highball glass. Fill with equal parts port wine and Cream of Wheat.
How Can She Slap?!
- vodka in a cocktail glass with a lemon twist, served with a slap from vermouth-covered hand of a female bartender.
The American Brew
- Take one bottle of fine Belgian/Australia/German beer, pour into a pint glass, drink. Wait 15 minutes, take pint glass to bathroom, urinate into pint glass and serve.
The Soapy Hobo Sock
- 1 part fish sauce, 1 part cilantro, 1 part fortified wine. Garnish with durian slice.
- 1 oz. Chambord
- 2 oz. Drano
- 7 live bullet ants
- Mix Drano and Chambord in a cocktail shaker, shake with ice, pour into double shot glass and drink. Throw the bullet ants into your mouth to distract you as the shot clears your insides.
The Cleveland Steamer
- 2 oz. fresh water from Lake Erie, 1.5 oz. HP Brown Sauce, generous float of Bacardi 151.
- Serve over dry ice, light on fire.
- 2 parts blood, 1 part tears, 1 part sweat.
- Mix in Homburg, garnish with toil. Drink until drunk but be sober in the morning.
Evan's + Cake
- 1 part Evan Williams
- 1 part cupcake
- 2 parts puking in the sink because you've poured whiskey on a chocolate cupcake and you were already quite plowed to begin with.
Probable Cause in the Desert
- 1 part Creme de Caramel
- 1 part Kahlua
- 1 part Tequila
- Serve in an opaque glass. To be eyed suspiciously and then pulled over across the bar.